So scared of getting older. I'm only good at bein' young.

What's the biggest sacrifice you've ever made for another person? Was it worth it?

My independence is easily one of the most powerful forces in my life. It is in being alone that I get recharged. It is being alone that I am most productive. It is when I am alone that I can be the most selfish. I've often been very selfish with my time with everyone in my life. I trained my friends and family growing up that leaving me alone was a necessary factor to bei

ng in relationship with me. It is only since I got married and had my heart burst wide open that I realize how unwise this is.

Giving up my independence, or more accurately, transforming my independence when I got married has been a profound change for me. Being in love and desiring to be around him all the time, I thought little of what my independence looks like. But marriage educates you in that very quickly. I missed having my own bed. I missed being able to go where I wanted to when I wanted to. But then seeing, the breath of my marriage and when it skipped along and when it sagged and heaved. Loneliness, nightly panic attacks, busy minds and heavy hearts melt away the moment we can sink into that sacred space. My husband wants me to be fulfilled and free. How independence changes in marriage is not entr

apment. Independence in marriage is not selfishness. And the personal metamorphosis that occurs in exploring these things and figuring them out is incredible.

What makes marriage, in its purest, truest form, so profound to me is the exchange of yourself for something infinitely different and complex. You are not merely yourself anymore, you are a unit. Two souls fuse. They become one in their intentions, goals and focus. Myself being nurtured is inextricably one with nurturing my partner.

We create worlds in each other and the vibrancy of marriage is dependent on that aspect. When you forget and disregard that, you negate the force that the Lord has chosen to move most in your life through. No one knows me better than my husband. There are people who have known me longer, who have seen me through stag

es but my husband is only one I give my life to.

And having independence and surrendering independence in marriage is not unified across the board. And for me it has been important to be vigilant of how I contextualize that sacrifice in my mind. I can see as it was taken or that I unwillingly, unknowingly gave it up. But then I stare those feelings in the face and I see they are created out of selfishness. For some women, keeping their name is a big deal. For me it wasn't. For some, having defined roles in the home is important. For some, gender roles are important, childhood traditions, spending habits. Each couple has their hill to die on. But it's theirs. And they do it together.

In other words, it's pretty amazing.

Cute!