"Reaching a fever pitch and bringin' me out the dark…"

Dear Moozh, I love it when you quote Scent of a Woman. "Get yourself up, get yourself clean."

Watching the Academy Awards and all I can think is: Helen Mirren is the bomb.

I'm also thinking: why are actors so boring?! James Franco: the dude looks good in a dress. Anne Hathaway: legs that reach to the sky and ballsier pipes than I expected. Add the two together: Easily one of the most groaningly boring telecasts I've seen in a LONG time.

But it wasn't just them.

Pretty much all of the presenters were just vapid. Reese Witherspoon, Hugh Jackman, Scartlett Johanssen. Blah. Everyone who presented looked around like they wished they were somewhere else. And what's Matthew McConaughy doing at the Oscars? And then Billy Crystal came out and people gave him a standing O. Goes to show ya...

I was so tense my muscles spasmed watching Kirk Douglas present the award for supporting actress. And then the award holder dude almost broke him in half! Kirk Douglas is a national relic. You would probably go to jail.

Cate Blanchett is always awesome. Even the people that introduce her do it by saying, "Cate M*** F***** Blanchett."

But then Natalie Portman won. And the whole night was worth it. Cutest baby mama evar. Resplendent in her pregger belly!

Thank god for the pvr function when it comes to award shows.