"Forgive your past and simply be mine…"

Ok whoa.

Adele's new album, 21, which as been out for a while…people: flippin' magic. I'm pretty sure I've either sobbed through every song or done a triumphant "This is bril-eye-ant!" punch dance in my living room at EVERY SONG.

She simply has a way (just like Oscar Meyer) when her voice and her lyrics and her plain ballsy-ness of captivating me. Her song "Make You Feel My Love" is my song with Moozh Cimpatichni. Yes it was written by Bob Dylan but she does it SO. MUCH. BETTER. She does covers so authentically (She covered The Cure's Lovesong on this album) and yet she never gets lost in them.

On her new album, her song One and Only is breathtaking. I was innocently waiting for Moozh to finish up his night class and bawled my face off in the atrium.

"I dare you to let me be, your one and only,

Promise I'm worth it

To hold in your arms. 

So come on give me a chance

To prove I am the one who can walk that mile

until the end starts."

I really should just post the entire song because there's not a single line in it that isn't flawless and transcendent so why don't YOU go there, read the lyrics, cry, come back, we'll debrief over cookies. And Rolling in the Deep (which is on the I am Number Four trailer). And Someone Like You that is a better more profound version of "I'd Like to Buy the World a Coke". It'll make us all feel warm and fuzzy.

On another note, my procrastination has grown legs and is an autonomous being now. I have deadlines with a capital 'D' (which also stands for death) and all I want to do all day is eat kettle chips and watch The Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer (really just so I can say I did - how awesome is his name?!). I will have time for that when I'm 'with child'. People will let you do anything when you're pregs. Until then, my sense of duty and my infallible performance driven tendencies will drag me by my fingernails to April.

Listen to the song. That's all.

P.S ~ Doesn't the fact that this weighs 15 lbs make you want one?!

"I work in the dead of night, when the roads are quiet and no one is around…."

Whew.

I am back from the land of the free and the home of the brave. I am currently eating airplane cookies (crumbly Biscoff -soooo good) that I found in the jacket of my pocket today on the bus. I was saving them on purpose. Really.

Saturday kicked me in the ass pretty much. I got in Vancouver at ten at night which according to my research meant I had been upright and operational for 22 hours straight. For a university student, not really a big deal. For a total weenie, a big ass deal. Moozh picked me up at the airport (with a car! *sigh) and then  I proceeded to (and he can verify this) cried for two hours straight. He got me home and he had pulled out my ugly comfy pajamas instead of the sexy chilly ones and made the bed and had white wine chilling in the fridge and all of the things that convince me that he is my soul mate. I had a love letter and a bubble bath waiting for me. And I was still crying. It was a combination of missing my Moozh like mad and jet lag but it was hefty. Ladies, as you can see I am someone who understands what can happen when tears get feeling independent but when your Moozh has done all of these things and you are still crying, do your man a solid and either 1) GET YOURSELF TOGETHER! or 2) explain to him what is going on because it is coming across so NOT how you want it to. And come up with something good.

So now I am officially detoxing. We were really very responsible eaters while we were away, lots of salad with a day where I ate an entire bag of Munchie Mix and baked my skin to a crisp. But I'm pretty sure I should get a 'star contributor' pin from Heineken and Barefoot wineries. I did figure out that the key to avoiding a hangover was simply to stay drunk.

I read the tiger (much of it aloud) and that book is the BOMB. This are the main points that I gleaned from the book: tigers are scary, Russians are crazy and never go to the bathroom without your bathroom buddy. John Vaillant is a genius and I am willing him to cross my path so I can make him sign my…notebook. In case you couldn't tell, ENDORSEMENT ENDORSEMENT ENDORSEMENT. If you have 300 pages worth of free time, read that book. And buy it. It's worth it.

I did not meet Cinderella and I did not see a Manatee. In fact, according to my sister there are a lot of Russians in Florida and I didn't even see any of them!

I got to hang out with the lovely ladies of the Porcheron Love Connection and have unstructured hang out time that we haven't had in years. We got Ariesmell's wedding dress and Cami's birthday present. Before we left for Florida I got to hang out with my Dad and Re-Re and then on the trip back I got to hang out with mah Dempseys which was so fun. The Dempseys made Taco Salad for dinner which in my opinion deserved being mentioned. (And it is absolutely capitalized. It is my favourite meal -I am cheap fun I kid you not.) And I got to see Sarah's ring in person! Boom!

Being back in the scariness of school was a realization a bit too soon. Russian midterm on Friday and three group projects on the go. THREE! I should have put on my application that was something I was really not ready to do. And then at the end of March, all of four weeks away, I submit my portfolio to the Creative Writing Dept. Rah! And I am okay with that now.

Have soup for dinner tonight. Eat it on the couch with your Moozh (or Moozhka) with a grilled cheese and watch a movie. Matt and I watched Toy Story 3 on the weekend. I always cry in Pixar movies and now I think I have a permanent lump in my throat. Like a goitre.

Happy Tuesday!

"Bonne fete a toi, bonne fete a toi…"

It's mah Burrrrrrday. Twenty two years old. Or as my mom would say, I was twenty, two years ago. 


There are couple of memorable birthday parties. 
~I remember when I had an "Under the Sea" themed birthday party. I was six (hopefully). We went swimming I think and then my mom made this awesome cake that had an octopus made out of a cupcake and twizzlers on top. She also made a treasure chest out of a twinkie and smarties. That's probably why it was memorable. I had never seen my mom buy twinkies before. 
~This time last year, Moozh and I were in Victoria and we went to Il Terazzo for dinner. They had a paid sommelier on staff (As opposed to an unpaid one.) and since I had never seen one of those in real life, we HAD to go. I wore too much makeup and a shirt that was too tight and drank way to much and had A LOT of fun on my first married birthday. 
~My nineteenth birthday I do not remember anything other than I puked ALL NIGHT. There were moments where I'm sure I was upright and dancing but most of it was tequila comeback. Pace yourself, girl. 
~Eighteen was super fun because Shuma aka Party Planner Extraordinaire planned a treasure hunt for my party. We went to a foreign movie and a Greek restaurant and weird things that I liked and everybody came. It was so nice. I was blindfolded and led across train tracks. I remember wearing an absurdly oversized jacket. And I remember taking three tries (THREE!) to break a plate and say opa! It's a constant struggle for me. 


Yesterday was my Russian teachers birthday and so today during our class, one of the other Russian teachers came in and blabbered something in Russian I so desperately wish I understood and gave her a bouquet of red roses. And then I came home and had an almost identical bouquet of red roses on my kitchen table! Except MINE had twenty-two roses in it. (Chances are my teacher's should have had more than it did). 


Today I am going to sit around in my pajamas and listen to Russian pronunciation. Tomorrow Moozh and I are going to see Blue Valentine (I am rather proud of the patience with which I've waited for this movie) and we're going to a Russian tapas bar downtown. It carries 100 different kinds of vodka. It's the good life. 


A girl in my Russian class sent me this adorable video. A crocodile singing in Russian about how he's sad his birthday only comes once a year and how he wants 500 ice cream sandwiches for his birthday. Sounds good to me. 

Happy Friday!


What's your favourite thing about birthdays?

Moya Moozh idyot cmotreet televizor illi droozya

Matt sent me this halfway though my day.

This is why I love reading week.

Spent some time with the chicks of the RSN. (Chicks? Our foremothers would be so proud.) Good times. Good beer. Good ladies.

I feel that when I post transliterated Russian on my blog, I should translate it for all the people that don't speak Russian. Namely, everyone I know. "Idyot" could easily sound like...something else when it in fact mean "to go". Sorry Moozh. I've taken the blue pill. My communication skills are officially on the DL.

We are yours, and yours is the kingdom

Are you spiritual, religious, agnostic, or atheist? Do you think there is one path to God, or many?

I like what G.K Chesterton says. "You can either get your head into the heavens or try and get the heavens into your head. But it is the man that tries to get the heavens into his head whose head explodes." And it's when we get caught up in the humanization of spirituality that I think it gets lost. Matt wrote a wicked and very articulate paper on the belief that what is meant by theos is become unified with God even in our mortal life, to embody his characteristics and his "likeness". It is not, as some would say, pantheism, for us to strive in this but the aim of our faith.

I find Christianity very conflicting. Matt and I are church shopping right now after being at a church that, for all the reasons we left, really helped us to clarify what we are looking for and what is important to us. And my fuse is so short on many of these things. It gets under my skin and I get really angry really fast. I find it amazing and in some cases so sad how people can believe certain things.

As for salvation, I believe that there are many paths that can lead you to encounter God, that can shake you out of who you are to see him. But I do believe that when Christ says, "It is only through me..." that he really means he is the only way. And there is peace in that. There is peace in knowing that our Saviour, who is full of grace and empowers us to live and better and more fulfilling life, that is his goal to get us there and he is willing to put all of who is he is and all of who we believe him to be into that.

I get overwhelmed talking about these things lately. If only I believed myself to be funnier, different, more captivating topics than this would be easier to write.

These things make me happy now.

• Chai eggnogs! The red mugs are back. Shits getting real.
• Plaid circle scarves. Like THIS ONE! Anything autumn coloured lately. It's mine.
• Pumpkin. I'm totally not done with it.
• This song. :)
• Shearling lined jackets. I live in mine. Live in it.
• Having a cuddle buddy every night.
• Real mail! Like handwritten, fun mail where you have your name handwritten on the front and who wrote it to you likes you.
• When people are just authentic. We went to Tenth Ave Alliance and they were just so real. The announcer (who is the church intern) was taking her time with the announcements and then she pauses, "So we're actually waiting for the worship band to get here." And from then on the night was relaxed. I wish I was more authentic at times.

P.S~ This is a great song.

So scared of getting older. I'm only good at bein' young.

What's the biggest sacrifice you've ever made for another person? Was it worth it?

My independence is easily one of the most powerful forces in my life. It is in being alone that I get recharged. It is being alone that I am most productive. It is when I am alone that I can be the most selfish. I've often been very selfish with my time with everyone in my life. I trained my friends and family growing up that leaving me alone was a necessary factor to bei

ng in relationship with me. It is only since I got married and had my heart burst wide open that I realize how unwise this is.

Giving up my independence, or more accurately, transforming my independence when I got married has been a profound change for me. Being in love and desiring to be around him all the time, I thought little of what my independence looks like. But marriage educates you in that very quickly. I missed having my own bed. I missed being able to go where I wanted to when I wanted to. But then seeing, the breath of my marriage and when it skipped along and when it sagged and heaved. Loneliness, nightly panic attacks, busy minds and heavy hearts melt away the moment we can sink into that sacred space. My husband wants me to be fulfilled and free. How independence changes in marriage is not entr

apment. Independence in marriage is not selfishness. And the personal metamorphosis that occurs in exploring these things and figuring them out is incredible.

What makes marriage, in its purest, truest form, so profound to me is the exchange of yourself for something infinitely different and complex. You are not merely yourself anymore, you are a unit. Two souls fuse. They become one in their intentions, goals and focus. Myself being nurtured is inextricably one with nurturing my partner.

We create worlds in each other and the vibrancy of marriage is dependent on that aspect. When you forget and disregard that, you negate the force that the Lord has chosen to move most in your life through. No one knows me better than my husband. There are people who have known me longer, who have seen me through stag

es but my husband is only one I give my life to.

And having independence and surrendering independence in marriage is not unified across the board. And for me it has been important to be vigilant of how I contextualize that sacrifice in my mind. I can see as it was taken or that I unwillingly, unknowingly gave it up. But then I stare those feelings in the face and I see they are created out of selfishness. For some women, keeping their name is a big deal. For me it wasn't. For some, having defined roles in the home is important. For some, gender roles are important, childhood traditions, spending habits. Each couple has their hill to die on. But it's theirs. And they do it together.

In other words, it's pretty amazing.

Cute!

"Take me, take me to the riot..."

My jewelry box is a shaming mess. It is a beautiful jewelry box that Matt made in 10th grade for his girlfriend at the time. She gave it back (I KNOW! I thought 'she whaaaaaaat'....) and Mattdecided it to give it to his wife one day. When he told me that story I was already thi

nking, "I want that jewelry box". And now I have it and it's a mess. I totally lose points for that.

I have a cameo from my paternal grandmother's jewelry box and a cameo my mom bought me at a vintage market when I was in high school. I have my etched mushroom pendant Arie made me when she was in high school, double-sided, brass and copper, no big. People are all over it whenever they see it. There's a large sea shell necklace Matt made me with a shell we combed off of China Beach on our first Married Valentines. There's the lava rock from our Honeymoon. It's apparently bad luck to take lava rock off the Hawaiian islands but we did...and we're still married. That one's a necklace too.

And then there's my engagement ring. Months of teasing, multiple sketches, fake outs, and finally a truly breathtaking, unique and bragging-worthy ring. Inside the band it read 'my beloved' in Hebrew and a tiny emerald (Matt's birthstone) is tucked away as well. It's me in ring form.

He took designs from Art Deco architecture and filigree off of Tsarina Alexandra of Russia's diary. It's a platinum solitaire, clean and flawless. And I absolutely still brag about it. Even though now it's totally obnoxious to everyone around me.

Dehn Adeen "NaBloPoMo": Noyabr Vtoroi

Dear Tofu curry you are super delish inside my belly. And I made you all by myself.

P.S ~ Dear Dr. Dempsey, you could totally win at Movember. Ginger Beard for the win!

We're Baaaaaaack!

Oh Lawrd it feels so good to be home. We had a truly amazing trip but you get to a place where you want your own toilet seat back. Among other things of course. There were so many times that we saw so much of God's knowing more than us in our trip. We were there for the moments of sadness and needing to hold somebody near. We were there for the moments of absolute glee. And we were there for the meals (which added a considerable heft to my step to be sure).

Our honeymoon was hilarious and absolutely perfect. I will post another post dedicated entirely to that week alone. But this is for the 12 Project. Looking back on the past year has come to inspire me, to elucidate the magic that is my family. MY family. Out of familiar pre-fab language and habit, the term 'family' has become a very flexible one. But this year, full of newness, struggle, glory, intimacy and hilarity, has come to frame and renew what I know and own now as 'my family', tiny and new but so, so perfect. It is my sanctuary and my greatest joy. I would drop anything and give everything for it at the drop of a hat. Our family, just two, will become bigger eventually (We want a malamute, so I mean BIG). Instincts and passions will arise and slowly mellow in me in ways I won't know until then. We will fight and we will make up. We will bury our loved and bring new life into the world. We will unleash unflinchingly sarcastic and yet hopelessly clumsy children on the world (the latter could only be attributed to me; Matt couldn't trip even if you blindfolded him). We got to meet up with some of ourfavorite marrieds and see where they are in their walk, in their family and in their love. I will never get over li'l Suzy Crosby; serious name envy! And, when we saw snow on the ground in late August, my migratory leanings felt not just a little self-congratulatory.

I have never been more aware of my need to have someone ready to kick me in the ass when I need it. And to have someone who loves me knowing all of it, sometimes in the midst of all of it all. Someone who is willing to let me grow a beard on his face three separate times in a year :)

Love to everyone! Here's to month 2:

The 12 Project

One of my favorite blogs, Walk Slowly, Live Wildly, wrote about this idea that I absolutely love. The 12 Project is to photograph your family once a month. It's not even just a posterity thing. Sara at Happy Janssens will bind hers at the end of the year but... we have SO many books. We have an obscene amount of photos as well but I think I might find an awesome collage frame (like this one maybe? Or do something cool like this? Or something along the lines of this even though it's totally gay looking in the picture?) And now that things have leveled out here a little bit, the weather's just getting incredible and it's my one year anniversary this month (!) July is a perfect month. I recently found this site through Offbeat Mama called My Parents Were Awesome which is just such a cool site. People submit pictures of their parents before they were parents and seriously some of these parents are so cool. I love the pictures I have of my parents before they were married and before they hadkids. Smokin', Imean really. And Matt's parents before they were parents were adorable. I think they still are but Matt's dad's mustache and Pam's blunt cut bangs. Ah! I could flip through old pictures like that all day long.

At church two weekends ago, they had their apprentice speak who was GREAT. I think they call it a 'barn burner'? Westside has been moving through 1 Samuel for the past nine months. You could have grown a freakin' baby in that time and still be moving through 1 Samuel. But this James had the honor of closing 1 Samuel and he did a GOOD JOB. He bunnytrails like nobody's business which Matt hates but I totally love because I do too. But James at one part brought up the Glee finale. There was something in the finale that he brought up saying, 'I watch Glee with my wife. Love your wife like Christ loves the Church, you know?" Awesome.

I have a husband that loves me like that. A husband who sacrifices part of his dreams so I can be a part of them. A husband who watches Glee with me. Who holds me close at night when I'm feeling anxious, or sad, or frustrated, or completely content. Who says he's proud of me when I get mad at him. Who graciously answers all of the questions I will inevitably have about any given topic. Who is kept up at night thinking about what kind of man God wants him to become. Who pushes me to become the woman God wants me to become. A husband who tells me daily how beautiful I am and a husband who has transformed how beautiful I feel I am. Who gets baby fever when he sees a little girl with pigtails or a little boy with baby carhartts on. A husband who calls me on my shit and praises my strengths. A husband who tells me daily he needs me. A husband I desperately need. The profound and transformative changes that have happened in the past two years and a bit have blessed me so much. God is so good.

All love your way,

Bri

You have stolen my heart...

Music is a soul thing for me. Nothing can grip me and fill me and make me feel at peace more than music. It's probably the fact that I likely listened to Boston at ear bleeding level while in-utero and most of my memories from childhood involve my mom's classical piano and Alvin and the Chipmunks Christmas cassettes. In that order. When Matt and I fasted from media that included music. We fasted from things that distracted us and kept us from the things that we wanted to be pouring into. I realize, post-fast, that music is not a distraction. It is enough a part of my mental process that to put on some wicked sweet music and go through my bible and journal at the same time or to listen to some on a mellow walk is so calming.

I love how songs can become new as you encounter them at different times in life. Precious Declaration became something newly special when I met Matt. Stolen is transcendent in my mind since a very special little baby.

Last week, on my day off, I took my computer and hung out in Fernwood. According to everyone in Victoria, Fernwood is the coolest neighborhood in town, but it's funny because it's off the grid, tucked away in residential streets and it's not busy. At all. Anyways, it's totally awesome and it was a beautiful day so I took the scenic walk along all the Heritage houses. All the hippies were out, mmm-ing and sighing through their food and coffee, staring at the swaying hems of their clothing as they walk through the square. They hug everybody. And they talk to everybody. Which on one hand is totally awesome and not enough people are that open towards strangers anymore. And then there's this weirdness for me of 'I'm going to put in my headphones and I'm pretty sure you're going to keep talking to me. Hmm....". But this one guy harassed me with this band called These New Puritans. Arielle had just passed on a band Emancipator to me and I've just come across Ellie Goulding. And THEN I found, through a beautiful blog I love called Walk Slowly, Live Wildly, a group called Jesus Culture. I've been experiencing this resurgence towards worship music in my spirit after a long period of it seeming contrived and lacking meaning.

So it's been a great period of music. You always have those ol' standby's that you go to that you know you can groove to, mellow out to, cry to and such. But to find new music that speaks to you in a new language is so fun! John Butler Trio just came out with a new album that is so great!! I haven't been able to buy it yet but we rock out at work after closing to it. Caravan Palace makes me want to dance every time. Shiny Toy Guns always make me think of driving out to my grandparents two years ago. I still love Amy Winehouse. Plus my boss' name is Valerie and she is such a sweet, funky lady, it makes me think of her now.

Away We Go

Can I just say that I love my husband more than I can rationally explain sometimes? And it's never even spurred upon by moments where he's really even trying that hard. It's when he'll kiss the back of my bedhead in the morning and hug me really tight when it's freaking early and I have to leave for school. Or that he likes it when I argue with him. When he spends time online looking for things that I might like or making weird food for me.

When I think of looking across my pillow at him, tomorrow...five years...thirty years from now, I totally cry. Every time. Because he is so much more than I ever imagined, he is so much more than I ever could have deserved had God not been all over this from the beginning. He loves me knowing all of who I am, all of my po

tential (for better and for worse). And I love him, desperately and furiously, knowing all of his.

Oh my, this is the sweetest, greatest movie I have seen in a long while. And the fact is that I passed it on numerous occasions on a movie store stroll. I so desperately wanted it to be a fun movie because it has wonderfully fun people in it (Alison Janney is my favorite...favorite?), but there are some disappointing movies out there that really display themselves to be funnier than they are. Like Adventureland.

But wow. I am at a similarly pivotal point in my life as the people in the movie but there were numerous times where Matt and I looked at each other and smiled, "I really like this movie". They have an uncommon love and it's it their own. They complement each other and while they have their 'things', they are grounded by their love. There is a point where Verona is listening to the heartbeat on her fetoscope and she is concerned about the baby's low heartbeat. Burt dives into that with her and throughout the rest of the movie, Burt forgets about all else (including any social inhibitions) and tries to get the baby's heart beat up. There is this point where Burt and Verona are laying on a trampoline talking about what they want for their daughter.

Burt: Do you promise to let our daughter be fat or skinny or any weight at all? Because we want her to be happy no matter what? Being obsessed with weight is just too cliche for our daughter?

Verona: I do. And do you promise that when she talks, you'll listen? Like really listen, especially when she's scared? And that her fights will be your fights?

Matt will hug me and rub my belly and talk about how he it's one of his favorite things about me because our children will grow there. He talks about how he wants his daughters to know that they are captivating and that they are princesses. But to know that they can and will fail.

We are still looking for our home. We will wander and we will find where the Lord will have us and the community he will have for us. I can't freakin' wait.

And in 22 days, my best friend arrives for mucho funness. Eee-yes!

Bri

"Above all else, guard you heart, for from it flow the springs of life." Proverbs 4:23

A new blog!
To begin, I am immersed in the first six months of my marriage. The Lord lead me through an breathtaking and uncommon courtship and love story and in this blog I want to digress upon his plans for my life.
Secondly, I have an extremely obsessive personality. At times, it is less outrageous but one of my lasting obsessions is blogs. I have been reached by blogs and I want to share my journey for the same reason. I follow many blogs that I find inspiring and I have included them on the side :)

It smells amazing outside! We have blossoms. We have blossoms in February.
I grew up in Chinook country so blossoms don't come out until around labor day, and nice weather is a transient thing that usually involves potholes, black ice and accurate traffic information.
I am ready to claw my eyes out but it smells amazing outside.

Matt and I went on a walk today in a city where everything but Starbucks and Western Union and closed on a Sunday, and were marveling at the place we live. I love living in this city. It has the feel of many cities that can't escape their environment. It is such a part of the lifestyle and the mental landscape that there is a real honor and sustainability in the way people live. Cyclists here are a force to be reckoned with and are probably more dangerous than cars. 'Organic' here is not a trendy word, it's a passion. People run. Everywhere. They walk. They cycle. They push baby strollers. People are living IN creation, not upon it.

I am surrounded my such amazing people that I can see the Lord so clearly in.
My husband is working at a job he doesn't like so that I can go to school at one of the best schools in the country. He holds me every night and prays with me and tells me how beautiful he things I am. He puts up with my grumpy moods and cares about the confusion and ambition combusting within my heart. He loves me as Christ loves his church; selflessly and relentlessly.
My little sister just turned sixteen. I can remember the first time I heard her talk about Jesus. I can also remember the first she asked what a lesbian was at the dinner table. She's a great, great kid who is destined for huge, huge things.
My best friend works night shift at the Mustard Seed in Calgary and she is God's Love personified. They just got a huge donation to 'Arise and Build'. I get shivers every time I think about it and what a blessing it is to the guests at the Seed and the people who work there.

I am blessed. Simply.

Bri